The actual composer of the following work (Camilo Aybar) under the satirical persona Vladislav Horrorski, must clarify that the entire following section (Three Short Dances) by no means is meant to be taken seriously, in that the impossible, ill-thought and poorly-written instructions and orchestration provided by this “Horrorski” are intended to frustrate the musicians to create a comedically troubled performance within the context of the story, even if trained professionals at the highest level are performing it. Such instances will be indicated with ossia sections, written as a disclaimer under the evil guise of what this “Horrorski” has penned. Aybar advises performers to dedicate minimal practice time to this section to maximize the organic “sloppiness” intended. 

Aybar also extends his sincerest apologies to the musicians for Horrorski’s destructive and unreasonable instructions, intended to act as an adversarial plot point in the context of the story precipitated by the Soprano Saxophone character (who selected this cruel piece).

1. For the repeated fff col legno double and quadruple(!) stops in movements 1 and 3, Aybar advises performers to use sacrificial low-quality bows (which absolutely will be dented if “instructions” are obeyed). Low-quality back-up instruments are also advised for this section. If sacrificial bows are not available, the string players may elect to use a wooden stick of a similar size, in which case all sections except the "pizz." sections of movements 1 and 3 are to be played col legno. 

2. Retuning of strings can obviously not be completed in the directed pause times between movements. The performer is make a hurried attempt to retune the lowest string in the time constraint, but is advised to proceed regardless of whether the correct tuning has been achieved once the allotted time has finished. In this case, Aybar does ask that the pause times in between movements are literally followed for this comedic effect. 

3. Aybar is aware of the impossible times instructed by Horrorski to switch between string techniques (e.g. pizz to arco, col legno to pizz, etc). The performers are meant to panic and miss some sections in transition.

4. The French Horn is instructed in the second movement to utilize circular breathing in an unreasonably low range at an unreasonably low dynamic. The performer may comedically run out of breath in some parts, and pretend to “fear ridicule” from the “composer", who in this case we can pretend is the musical director. The high notes will also obviously not be produced "correctly".

5. The Euphonium is written in an impossibly high range at a pp dynamic in the second movement. Do not dedicate practice time to actually producing the sound intended by this “Horrorski”, as indicated by the ossia.

6. For the “destruction” of the snare and bass drum for the third movement, if performing this piece live, the drummer may elect to use special paper membranes for “prop” drums for the visual performance aspect, whereas in the context of studio recording, a destruction sound may be added in post-production. Please do not actually destroy any drumsets.

7. All tempo markings are not to be taken seriously. Musicians are advised to create the messy effect of "chasing the metronome" in trying to achieve these impossibly precise tempi.